8 ways to cope with unrequited love and get past it
I just hoped and prayed that we would end up together. THe only time I did not pine was in my marriage, and I obsessed over other negative things So I see the problem. I am 40 years old and changing habits is not an easy thing to do. I am committed though. Pining over unloving sources, and binge eating. Those are my two challenges these days. I am patient and loving with my self.
I put myself in a position to succeed. I care for myself as I would a friend. I really want to move on. I honestly don't know what that would feel like And perhaps make that myself, or my own soul. THis is all new to me. I enjoy being a good father. That helps. Exercise has been a life saver. THe truth is that I am still trying to find my way, and work through all of the fear of moving on. I see people that move on so quickly from divorce or relationships How do they do it?
THey are like aliens to me. I can not comprehend how they do it My ex is so beautiful, and attractive. I try to remind myself so are a million other women SO i am doing a bit better. And honestly i want to move on in a healthy way. I want to be in a new loving relationship. It is helpful but it doesn't answer my question!
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The girl I am in love with is also my friend so I speak to her often, she knows the way I feel but has told me she doesn't feel the same way. We have been through a lot, I helped her through her divorce n when we first met we spoke to each other every single day for 4 months from saying good morning to good night all day long and I loved it that I could be there for her. But then she met someone and stopped talking to me instantly, it really hurt, we had a bust up and got together with this fella the very next day. I saw her months later and we started talking again but she was in a relationship with the same fella, but split with him a week later.
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He befriended me and was telling me everything about her even down to their sex life, I had to sit there and listen pretending it didn't affect me while being crushed inside. This man if he is a man began to tell me everything, every time they argued, all her secrets, and he constantly put her down. This went on for 5 weeks until I snapped! She promptly cut him out of her life and told me she was really great full for telling her the truth and called me a true friend, but then she deleted me and stopped talking to me, she told me she don't want any males in her life and just wanted to get over every thing, so I left her alone, this went on for weeks n I decided maybe it was best to go our separate ways but the very next day she got in touch with me asking why I had blocked her on every thing, I told her I didn't think we were good for each other.
She told me she had cut that idiot out of her life and had been getting her home, kids, work in order and trying to live a stress free life. She told me she had followed my bike ride on facebook I did a mile bike ride for a church we go to she said she was glad I was ok coz I came off the bike, she told me she had stopped going to church coz she felt awkward with me being there and I don't know why, I should be the one feeling awkward. The problem is should I cut her out of my life completely!
I really don't want to coz I do think she cares about me but and I am so in love with her, we talk from time to time but dont really say anything.
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If I say anything related to my feelings she ignores it but loves it when I get her flowers and puts it on facebook but says they are from an admirer. Sorry I've gone on a bit but no one else to really talk to. What would you do in my situation? Hi Tony, I'm sure you've already been told and have thought that it might be better for you to look for someone who is more available, but that probably hasn't done you any good. In my experience the kind of "back and forth" that you and this woman have been engaged in often represents some discomfort with intimacy on both parts.
You both get to feel close to someone, but with built-in walls that keep you from getting too close for comfort, whatever that might mean to each of you. Rather than focus on her, I would suggest that you try to understand something about what might be going on for you, in terms of letting yourself get close to someone. Some of us get involved in this kind of situation because we unconsciously worry about being hurt, others worry about being totally absorbed into another person's life, losing our sense of independence, and others worry about other things.
Sometimes it's hard to figure out what is actually going on on our own. A good therapist can help.
However you go about it, as you figure out some of these unconscious or unarticulated worries, you may very well solve this problem! About 25 years ago, we became close friends; a few months later, I realized I had fallen madly in love with her. I didn't dare tell her, for fear that she wouldn't feel the same way and it would ruin our friendship. At least, as friends, I'd get to spend time with her. The next year, she found out from a friend that I was in love with her.
She confronted me, told me she'd been attracted to me for a while but ultimately decided it was just physical desire, and she rejected me. I didn't give up, always doing things for her and holding out hope that her heart might change. At one point she got so fed up with it that she exploded at me, telling me in no uncertain terms that we would never be together. Eventually she met another guy - she described him as being a lot like me - and they got married.source
9 typical signs of unrequited love (and how to deal with it)
I went to their wedding, trying to be happy for her. I spent the rest of that day crying. Since then, literally not a single day has passed that I didn't think of her, longing to be with her. We remain friends, staying in touch through social media. I tried to move on; I found someone who I thought would take her place in my heart and married her. For a brief time, I thought I was over my old love; I was mistaken, as I realized the next time I saw her in person. I had convinced myself that I had just built her up in my imagination, making her out to be more beautiful and amazing than she really was, but this proved me wrong: I hadn't imagined a single thing.
I never stopped being in love with her, and now it was worse because I was hurting another person, a woman who loved me. It's been 25 years since I fell in love with her, and I still long for her as deeply as I did when I first fell in love with her. My wife found out about my feelings, and while she's been deeply wounded by it who wouldn't be?
I believe now that I'm going to live with this terrible longing and emptiness for the rest of my life.
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It robs me of joy and makes my life feel like a ruinous failure; I feel like I have nothing left in life to look forward to. I can't stop thinking of how much I want to be with my unrequited love, knowing that can never happen, and it makes me so depressed that I don't want to be alive any more.
Her husband is living the life I always wanted, in almost every detail. He's a great guy and we get along, but I would give anything to be in his shoes. I feel like the lesser, broken version of him. I'm glad that he makes her happy - I want her to be happy and have a good life, of course - but that doesn't make the pain go away. I was listening to music while reading Gravity by Coldplay. Made me think of your story. I can relate to this post very, very well, but I'm younger than you are and in year 11 of this mess.
It's so incredibly frustrating to do everything you can to move on but your addict brain won't let you. Years and years of heartache and I still haven't found a solution that works for me.